Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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