I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I AM VODKA MAN
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
