I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
