Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
