he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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