I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize