this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
