i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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