i can't believe i had my finger in that
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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