And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
