I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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