I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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