yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
