hotel room ftw
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I will pee on everything he values.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
