i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
