Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
