I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How external is "for external use only"?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
