Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm really busy with my period
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