Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Someone shattered a urinal.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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