So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
