First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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