I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
