dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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