It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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