PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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