No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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