Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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