The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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