Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
