I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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