Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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