How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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