1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
