Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
