You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
