don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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