after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
