Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dicks are not precious.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
