I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
