Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think my mom watched the whole time
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
