We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
