If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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