yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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