I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
