when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
