Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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