All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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