You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
two words...techno handjob
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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