id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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