Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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