Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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