I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
