k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
