If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
