It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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