He is an equal opportunity slut.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
