Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
