We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
