You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
