Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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