i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
