His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
