So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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