he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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