No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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