So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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