Pants 0. Shit 1.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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