One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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