The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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