How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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