her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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