there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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