don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
