Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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