i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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