So drunk its hurt
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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