I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
