She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
