i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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