My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
