Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
