don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
