3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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