Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize