there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
