About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
