I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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