Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
