Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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