chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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