It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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