He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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